This is in response to Dairyan Dugar's Random Impulse:
Dairyan has a good start to a possibly great piece. I like the act of the girl physically ripping out the heart of the guy for a souvenir but I would like to see more description. Dairyan is doing a lot of "telling" and very little "showing." I think that more detail would make the act more powerful and it would allow the ready to become more connected with the situation. Also, there is a very quick transition in the middle of the piece. She starts by talking about ripping out the heart of one guy and explains that the heart of that guy will always belong to that girl but then there is a jump into talking about another guy. Maybe a little explanation or a new paragraph would help the reader keep up with the change in the work.
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