Jami Lynn's Poem:
Fishing in the same old pond,
catching the same old fish,
and always throwing most of them back
because their taste never feeds my craving.
Having moved all around this pond,
leaving no spot left to fish,
I keep expecting to catch a new fish,
a new flavor,
something known will not come out of this water.
It’s time to fish in the deep blue sea,
where the fish are rare, and hard to find,
even harder to catch,
but have the most delectable taste in every bite.
I am capable of fishing with the best of them,
I’m just comfortable in this little pond.
I am ready to go to the deep blue sea,
cast out a line with the finest bait on the hook
and take on the challenge of catching something worth while.
------------------------------------------------------------------
The first thing that popped out at me about Jami Lynn's poem is that it has one meaning, but it can be related to so many different things: life, love, work, etc. Everyone is scared to leave what they are comfortable and familiar with but if you are scared to leave the "little pond" than you'll never experience the rare fish the unknown has to offer. I also really like how she used fish as the subject... Every time I see fish in poetry I automatically think about the Jesus Fish and the I think that train of thought works well with this poem. The improvements I suggest... Towards the end you have three lines in a row that starts with "I'm" or "I am"... I would suggest changing up the language to moving the lines so it's not so repetitious and I would also suggest not bouncing back and forth between "I'm" and "I am." Also, I see a lot of room for expansion (this coming from the woman would has been able to successfully expand a poem... yet). I want to know what it is about the little pond fish that doesn't satisfy? What finally pushed you to go to the sea? How long have you been unsatisfied with the little pond? I want to see the transition from the little pond to the sea and see if the rare fish is worth leaving the comfortable little pond for...
No comments:
Post a Comment