Classmate Response Week #7

This is in response to Surangi’s Random Impulse “Week 7-1”

This is a good start to a short story, the bones are there, but I think it needs a lot more detail. She teases with details, especially in the third paragraph but I want to read more. Every paragraph Surangi is bringing in more and more details but I think there are a lot of visuals in this piece that are worth expanding on. In the first paragraph for example, the line “inside Maria was lying on the couch, flicking through the channels, feeling no motivation, no desire to do anything productive,” is depressing but I think with a little more detail it could be so much more powerful … I mean, describe Maria’s position of the couch, how does the lack of motivation and desire physically affect her, are the channels she is flipping through even registering? In the second paragraph, I love the line “she could still feel the cold sweat drops trembling down her face, and the chill that passed through her body.” And then in the third paragraph Surangi pokes at so many great ideas. I want to know about the tree house, the coffee shop wallpaper, whether or not she got accepted into the university… There is so much great material in these three paragraphs! I feel like this piece is almost half way between a short story and a poem and Surangi is an extremely talented poet. I’m excited to see how her strengths carry over to her short stories!